Polka-ing Fun

In honor of a true visionary in the music field, I’d like to present this post as a tribute to Weird Al Yankovic.  His way with lyrics and musical talent has inspired me to come up with some soon-to-be hits (whether musical or blogging, I don’t know).

Presenting Homeschool’s Greatest Hits, featuring your all-time favorites; some new tunes, and some generational faves.

Patriarchal Man” [my husband’s choice] by The Christian Village People (lyrics:  “Patriarchal Man .. I’ve got to be a Patriarch. Patriarchal Man .. I’ve got to be Patriarchal!”)

Another Purity Ball” by Pink Bible Verses (lyrics: “Oh, no! It’s not another purity ball!”)

Silly Doug Songs” by The Non-Normatives (lyrics: “You’d think that people would have had enough of silly Doug songs. I look around me and I see it isn’t so. Some people want to fill the world with silly Doug songs …”)

If You’re Going to San Antonio” by Doug and the Traditionalists (lyrics: “If you’re going to San Antonio be sure to wear long hair and tan, long skirts”)

My Betrothed’s Back” by the Josh-elles (lyrics: “My betrothed’s back and you’re gonna be in trouble”)

I Homeschool, Babe” by Sono and Gregg (lyrics:  “I don’t know if all that’s true, all I know is baby,  I homeschool”)

Da Do Do Do, Da Hard Hard Things” by The RighteousBros, from their album, “Teenchronicity(lyrics: “Da Do Do Do, Da Hard Hard Things, that’s all I want to say to You”)

The Leader of the PAC” by the Sham-gri-las (lyrics: “My friends were always voting him down.[down, down] They say he votes with the wrong side of town”)

H-S-L-D-A“  by Ineedsome Franklins (lyrics: “H-S-L-D-A for me! Find out how to send money! H-S-L-D-A for me! Ooooh! Sock-it-to-me, sock-it-to-me, sock-it-to-me, sock-it-to-me! …”)

Be-Homian Rhapsody” by The Queen’s Subjects (lyrics: “Is this the home life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality”)

Helpmeet” by John Lenin (lyrics: “Helpmeet, I can hardly express my disappointment with your choice of dress. You’ve got to learn the meaning of submit/succe–ess.”)

Make Your Own Banjo Music” by The Homeschool Mommas and Papas (lyrics: “You’ve got to make your own banjo music, sing your own special song, make your own banjo music — even if nobody else sings along!”)

All the Way – Home” by MyOwn Pride (lyrics: “When somebody homeschools, it’s no good unless they homeschool — ALL THE WAY!”)

Gregg, Brother Gregg, it’s Brother Gregg’s Travelling Salvation Show” by Delight Directives  (lyrics:  “So, pack up the babies, and grab the old ladies, ’cause everyone goes, everyone knows Brother Gregg’s shows …  Hallejuah, Brothers, I said, brothers …. “)

I Will Survive Homeschooling” by Glorious Gaynore  (lyrics:  “Once I was afraid, I was petrified …. “)

Homeschool Carpet Ride” by Scrappin’wife (”You. don’t. know what. we. can. find, why don’t you come with me little girl on a homeschool carpet ride?”)

There’s No Business Like Home Business” by Ethel Homeman (lyrics: “There’s no business like home business, like no business I know! Everything about it is appealing ….”)

Court Me” by Sixtimes None the Bridegroom (lyrics: “Court me, with elder oversight, Court me, under my father’s watchful eye …”)

It’s the End of Homeschooling As We Know It” by MLM (lyrics: …. “It’s the end of homeschooling as we know it, and I feel fine ….”)

Star Wars, Nothin’ But Star Wars” by the real Bill Murray (as performed on SNL)


Stay tuned to this station for updates! 🙂

*Bonus Tracks:  White-Washed-Feminist Wedding” by Billy IdleTalk (lyrics:  “Hey, Christian sister, what have you done?  It’s a nice day for a —  White-Washed-Feminist Wedding!”)

Little Less Mathematician, Little More Adverb, Please” by Melvis (lyrics:  “All this aggravation aint satisfactioning me”)

My Patriarch” by Ella Barbra Billie (lyrics:  “Two or three girls has he that he likes as well as me, but I love him ….  I don’t know why I should; he isn’t true  —  he beats me, too, what can I do?   Oh, my Patriarch, I love him so; he’ll never know, all my life is just despair, but I don’t care.  When he takes me in his arms the world is bright all right.  What’s the difference if I say, I’ll go away, when I know I’ll come back on my knees some day?  For whatever my Patriarch is, I am his forevermore.”)

Modesty” by Mr. BillyJo (lyrics:  “Modesty is such a lonely word.  Everyone is so uncool.”)

Walk Like a Puritan” by The Shackles (lyrics:  “All the kids in marketplace say, Ay oh, way oh, ay oh, way oh …. Walk like a puritan … Walk like a puritan.”)

Sixteen Going On Seventeen” by the real Rodgers and Hammerstein (lyrics:  “[Rolfe]: You need someone older and wiser telling you what to do, I am 17 going on 18,  I’ll take care of you. [Liesl]: I am 16 going on 17, I know that  I’m naive; Fellows I meet may tell me I’m sweet, and willingly I believe …. Totally unprepared am I to face a world of men; Timid and shy and scared am I of things beyond my kin. I need someone older and wiser telling me what to do; You are 17 going on 18 I’ll depend on you.”)


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21 Responses to “Polka-ing Fun”

  1. choseninhim Says:

    Purity Balls



    What does the term, “White-Washed Feminist” mean?


  2. RichardD Says:

    Silly Doug Songs – I love it!!

  3. RichardD Says:

    Okay – I couldn’t resist:

    Two Twits that Pass On the Right – by Doug Philips and James McDonald.

    We’re just two twits that pass on the right
    And we smile while we pull your leash tight
    Our wives aren’t here; they’re home, out of sight
    ‘Cause we’re two twits that pass on the right

  4. RichardD Says:

    Okay – I’m sorry I’ve taken over the comment panel, but I can’t stop myself:

    We Bring You Re-Education
    by Pink Lloyd and the White Washed Feminists

    We’ll bring you reeducation
    We’ll bring you pure thought control
    We’ll tell you how to speak our language
    And slam you if you don’t fit the mold
    Hey, dissenters, … slam you when you don’t fit the mold

  5. Kathleen (Kate) Says:

    Excellent! 🙂 I feel some more inspiration coming on.

    “Don’t Pray So Close to Me” by the Thought Police

    “Regulate” (Celebrate/Kool & Gang) by Homeschoolin’ the Gang
    (lyrics: Regulate the times, Come On!)

    “Teenchronicity II” by the Thought Police
    (lyrics: “Packed like lemmings into shiny metal boxes, contestants in a suicidal race …. Many miles away something crawls from the slime at the
    Bottom of a dark Scottish (Texas) lake … “)

  6. choseninhim Says:

    “The Homeschool” by Man McCoy and Eternal Soul City Symphony

    (see here for original song/artist http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZcY5vxLbpA )

    (lyrics: “Do the Homeschool — Doot do doot, da doot-a-do doot do! Doot do doot, da doot-a-do doot do! Doot do doot, da doot-a-do doot do … “)

  7. choseninhim Says:

    Oh, and for those who understand the connection between Grudem and “Biblical gender roles”:

    “Grudem-ology” by Your Sunday School Teacher (or FIC parent) (lyrics: “Grudem’s Theology; yes, that’s the book for me. I put my trust in his word alone, Grudem-ology!”)

  8. RichardD Says:

    Daddy, Joy of Man’s Desiring by J.S. Bach
    Every Day With Father Is Sweeter than the Day Before by Robert & Wendell Love-Less
    ‘Tis So Sweet to Trust in Papa by William Kirkpatriarch
    Our Dad Reigns by Leonard E. “I’m the man” Smith
    Onward Christian Fathers and their families by the Militant Fecundists

  9. molleth Says:

    Oh man, this is some good stuff.

  10. choseninhim Says:

    “Our Dad Reigns” — hilarious!!!

    “Prophets, Priests and Kings” by One Trick Pony (lyrics: “I was born on the wagon of a seminar show, my Mama used to sew all the clothes that we wore, Papa would do whatever he could …. Preach little Gospel … sell a couple items of homeschool goods … Prophets, Priest and Kings, we’d hear it from the people in the towns they called dads, Prophets, Priests and Kings … but every Sunday the troop was back in town … they’d lay their money down.”)

  11. choseninhim Says:

    Richard, did the Militant Fecundists also sing, “She’s Having More Babies”? (lyrics: “She’s having more babies … what a biblical way to tell me that she loves me” )

  12. choseninhim Says:

    “Enslaved” by Bob’s Villain (original song, “Saved” by Bob Dylan is awesome) (lyrics: “I’m enslaved by the doctrines of men [dyew do dyew do dyew do] Help, God! I’m enslaved by the doctrines of men … I’ve been blinded by the devil, born already ruined, Stone-cold dead As I stepped out of the womb … ” )

  13. RichardD Says:

    “Having More Babies” – that’s the best one yet!! I love it. I think we need to put together a band and record some of these tunes for posterity.

    Oh – and I loved Bob Villian’s tune: “You Gotta Serve Somebody”

    It might be the devil, or it might be your dad, but you’re gonna have to serve somebody … somebody.”

  14. choseninhim Says:

    Agreed. I can play clarinet; will that work?

  15. RichardD Says:

    Okay – so far we’ve got you on clarinet, me on guitar (I’ll do vocals too), my wife will play the stereo and my son will play the drums. I think we’re almost there.

  16. Corrie Says:

    I am laughing so hard my stomach hurts! You have found YOUR calling! 😉

  17. choseninhim Says:

    Corrie! I’m so glad you found the songs funny. God saw fit that I grew up knowing all kinds of genres of music in the secular world, and I’m actually glad many of you all know some of these songs.

    I tried sharing some of the song titles with my homeschooled teens and they got some of them, but since they’ve grown up in a different time and genre of music (mostly Christian worship, pop and Sci-Fi themes 😉 ) they didn’t understand most of the references (except for my 21-yr-old, since he has ecclectic tastes in all kinds of music). It’s not as funny when you have to explain the joke.

    God bless my husband for getting the jokes, too. He came up with one or two, also. We grew up with the same post-modern cultural background and can laugh together about so much.

    I was singing “Prophets, Priests and Kings” this morning, as I was making coffee. It’s a big favorite title some of the men like to wear at our FIC churches.

  18. Corrie Says:

    “I was singing “Prophets, Priests and Kings” this morning, as I was making coffee. It’s a big favorite title some of the men like to wear at our FIC churches.”

    Oh, yeah! I always thought it would be nice to make an important sounding presumptuous title for my own self but then I get convicted about stroking my own ego and wanting to please my own flesh.

  19. choseninhim Says:

    Yeah, I guess the “Oomph!” is lost when the song, “I Am Woman; Hear Me Roar” gets changed to “I Am Helpmeet; Refer to My Husband”.

  20. Cletus Take the Reel « Kate’s Chosen Says:

    […] them.  Like Weird Al, I don’t pick on anyone out of meanness, but everyone is fair game.  I wrote some song titles here in this blog post.  I’ve also written many of my own whole parody songs, one to the tune of “O, Christmas […]

  21. Kathleen Says:

    New Parody for Patriarchs song I wrote about an hour ago, Thursday, March 12th, 2009 7:45 pm.

    This is sung to The Rolling Stones’ tune “Get Off of My Cloud”, found here: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/r/rolling+stones/get+off+of+my+cloud_20118086.html

    It might make you think of certain self-appointed patriarchs in the homeschool movement.

    “Get Off of My Crown” parody by Kathleen F.

    I live out in the country on a dusty old road by the pond
    and I look at my window at the worldly ways my neighbors adopt
    Then in comes some guy whose book has topped my sales despite all I’ve done
    and says, “I’ve got some more manly advice, my friend”

    I said, Hey! you! get off of my crown
    Hey! you! get off of my crown
    Hey! you! get off of my crown
    Don’t tarnish my crown cause I’ve just had it shined
    my crown, baby!

    The emails are flyin’
    I say hello, who is your authority?
    A girl says “Where’s the Bible in your teaching?”
    Well, who’re you to question me?
    She says, “Your rules don’t jive, your words divide
    Don’t you people ever wanna read His book?
    Just ’cause you all wear tights and lace, do you have
    to blog about it all the time?”

    I said, Hey! you! get off of my crown
    Hey! you! get off of my crown
    Hey! you! get off of my crown
    Don’t tarnish my crown ’cause I’ve just had it shined
    Oh, my crown, baby

    I got sick and tired, called up attorneys
    and decided to drive my bus downtown
    I watched the women with “eye-traps” as they
    paraded in their immodest clothes
    My headache forming, I sat and jotted down everything I did see
    As I sat staring an officer approached me and
    then the officer started questioning me

    And I thought, Hey! you! get off of my crown
    Hey! you! get off of my crown
    Hey! you! get off of my crown
    Don’t tarnish my crown ’cause I”ve just had it shined
    My crown, baby

    Hey! you! get off of my crown
    Hey! you! get off of my crown
    Hey! you! get off of my crown
    Don’t come around here, while I’m shining my crown

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