Already Doing Hard Things; MYOB

Okay, now I’m really going to rant.

I just lost an entire paragraphs-long post I wrote on for an hour. Heart-felt stuff I’ve been dealing with for some time and poof! it’s gone, thankyouverymuch wordpress piece of cr*p!

So, in regards to what I just wrote, suffice it to say, I’m really annoyed (that’s putting it mildly) at those who would lay burdens on so many people with their fast-track to success in homeschooling, patriarchy or what have you.

I’m sick to my stomach that everything I carefully laid out in my attempt to convey my frustration with the agenda-driven neo-conservatives (theonomic reconstructionists) in the church these days has now just vanished. I’m sick that those in the homeschool movement are ruining people’s lives by their heavy burdens. I’m tired of trying to convey my thoughts while being marginialized by those who “know what’s best for the Body”.

Get thee behind me, for I’m trying to focus on Christ, my Savior.

My earlier post was MUCH more graceful and even jovial, but now I’m just absolutely frustrated that I can’t put it quite as well as what was pouring out of my heart earlier. Maybe I’ll try an installment series later on, but for now — I just wish I had a Nice Cold Mike’s Hard Lemonade 6 pack.

That is all for now.


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11 Responses to “Already Doing Hard Things; MYOB”

  1. Jody Says:

    Rant away I can completely understand where you are coming from. I am a homeschool mom myself but I by no means live “green” LOL. I think this might be a big reason we haven’t really joined a homeschooling group because I really don’t want to feel judged or less than when we are all doing what we can for our families and live for Christ. Amen!

  2. choseninhim Says:

    Well, this is what I get for speaking my mind. I lost the entire blog post when trying to edit it for spelling errors. If anyone saved it, please send it to me to repost — I was just typing it in WordPress instead of on a separate document like I usually do.

    I’m trying to stay positive about it, but it was really my gripping heart feeling and wanted to share in order to gain some kind of encouragement from others who may feel the same as me.

    Thanks for coming to my blog. 🙂

  3. choseninhim Says:

    I found these snippets of my original rant in my spam filter:

    Back in my PUBLIC school days (no, it’s not a sin to go to public school; it’s actually sounding more and more graceful as I see what kind of mess and exclusivity and puffed-up marketing is involved in the homeschool “movement”), …

    for us). I raised FOUR (4) children, with one with extreme medical conditions mostly by myself and with my DH’s help during the church services…

  4. choseninhim Says:

    Here’s a little fun. Back in my public school days we had things that the homeschooled savvies have re-marketed. Compare and Contrast:

    Public School (PS):
    Pep Rallies

    Homeschooling Marketeers (HM):
    Conferences and Seminars

    Being an Academic and
    Responsible, Chaste Teenager (PS):

    Homeschooled and Uber Achieving
    Teenager (HM):

    Teen from “Non-Normative”
    or “dysfunctional” family (PS):
    Outcast, Locker-dweller

    Teen who doesn’t attend every
    homeschool activity all their “peers”
    and the Uber-Achievers are attending (HM):
    Outcast, Non-Normative,

    Teen without the resources
    to purchase the latest clothing
    or gadgets or concert tickets (PS):
    un-cool, Loser

    Teen without the resources to purchase
    the latest clothing or gadgets or
    attend the latest, coolest seminar
    conference (HM):
    un-cool, Loser

    Those who are admired for
    their outward appearance and
    successes (PS):
    The In Crowd

    Those who are admired for
    their outward appearance and
    successes (HM):
    Core Members

  5. David R. McCrory Says:

    I’m sorry you lost your original post. I would have liked to read it. Regarding homeschooling, I believe we need to remain Biblically balanced and gracious. In other words, I believe we should reserve our judgment of those who chose to, and who chose not to, homeschool.

    It is very much a lifestyle choice that affects every aspect of your home. It is not an easy decision to make either way. And while I would encourage edifying dialouge expressing our opinions and convictions, our love of one another of brothers and sisters in Christ should set the tone of the discussion.

    David R. McCrory

  6. choseninhim Says:

    Mr. McCrory, I’m sort of surprised that you even read my blog, because I don’t picture many men taking an interest in anything I write.

    As a matter of fact, I have homeschooled my kids since 1996. A dear friend introduced me to the concept when my children were young, and I only had the foggiest notion of what the homeschool “movement” was turning into then. I was naiive enough to think it was a freedom issue and a mode of better education for my children, but it has slowly become an agenda-driven, money-making scheme and bread and butter machine for some who take opportunity.

    It’s a wonderful way to educate children, yes, but when others start imposing their “biblical” way of doing it, then it starts to resemble peer pressure — just like in any other formalized or public school situation — and I dislike the cliques that start to form. Cliques of those who would separate from us who have loved-ones who aren’t purchasing all the cool gadgets, or wearing the right clothes, or going to the right conferences. Or like adults who would challenge you, “Oh, you really should place your child in that class (science, literature, journalism, multi-media) because many other kids at church are doing it (even though it costs hundreds of $$$ for each class and somebody seems to be gaining from it financially) and aren’t our children worth the sacrifice?”. When did homeschooling turn into just a bunch of outside classes put on by your friends that add up to nearly the same cost as Christian/private school? We’re a family of limited means, even being a part of a Christian Gleaning organization (thank the Lord) to help us afford to feed our kids over the years. Even that gleaning organization was put down by one of our elders because he thought it just handed out “canned” food (something so lowly to touch, being that they only eat fresh, organic, local foods) — it all feels so exclusionary and hoity-toit! I’m not liking the inferences made by those who’ve never walked in my shoes.

    I’ve got some stories that would put hair on their chests, I tell ya’! Our family used to live in a travel trailer for over 18 months when we sold our last home and tried to do things the “biblical” way during the Y2K debacle. We homeschooled 3 kids in a trailer, all the while using up our savings we were putting away to buy a house on a small piece of land in order to be out of debt. This was while my husband left his corporate job in order to pursue a more “christian” atmosphere with a “christian” man who ended up leaving his wife for another woman, and had bill collectors coming after my husband, since he wouldn’t pay his bills that my husband signed for (he was an independent building contractor teaching my husband the business).

    In that job endeavor we lost money working for that man. These are the things we told a leader at our congregation and his best advice was for my husband to “pound the pavement”. This was after we indebted ourselves in the tens of thousands so my husband could pursue an I.T. degree/career and do something different than “lowly” McDonalds supervisor management. Needless to say, we knew that church leader couldn’t really know what kind of risks we weren’t willing to take with our newly purchased by the grace of God home that cost us so much, but was our haven away from the harshness of living in a trailer park amongst the REAL world full of prostitutes, obessive-stalkers, drug addicts, dealers, thieves and back-stabbers. So, yes, money matters when it comes to homeschooling. I didn’t take a job during those years in order to devote my time to schooling them with the materials and books I got from the library.

    What’s even worse, in my opinion, is the constant, relentless paradigms of “godly” homeschool motherhood, or “godly” father/son relating that get promoted, even from some pulpits. It becomes more and more narrow to fit into “doing it the right way” (i.e., starting a family-operated business, and incorporating it into some form of “ministry” sometimes) as opposed to the poor “schlocks” (like my friend likes to say) who have to slave away for another man’s business, or, GASP! for a world corporation like McDonalds. You see, it’s not enough for them to be Free in Christ — some of these people and their followers are telling people they need to go beyond (read: higher “works” ) what the “average Joe” Christian does in order to be really fulfilling our potential for Christ (they use Ephesians “chosen beforehand for GOOD WORKS” passage to shore up their arguments sometimes).

    The messages they give may be fine to use as an encouragement for specific people going through a particular trial or calling on their lives, but not as a message that seems to eclipse the Gospel. Those who have many paradigms to push (such as committing our sons to “Do Hard Things” by getting them to become entrepreneurs in the bookwriting circuit or the relentless flow of seminars/speaking engagements) or some other flashy way to promote their ideas, look down on the kids who work in fast food for their first jobs, fueled by the constant harping on organic/green living in my neck of the woods.

    I have much to say and have already said too much, but since those who would be concerned with what I have just shared expressed little interest in my blog, all the while some of their blogs are considered “ministries”, so perhaps this is just me letting off steam.

  7. choseninhim Says:

    BTW, I agree with the idea that we should have love and graciousness in our speech. I just haven’t felt loved by those that would not condescend to know just what it’s like to not live in the idealistic situations that they are frequently preaching about.

    When confronted with differences, for example at a celebretory Sunday service picnic put on by our church, there were those who were politically active and trying to recruit names for support for a particular candidate. That’s fine, they can do that as far as I care, but when I expressed an interest in another candidate because of his views (who was also a conservative like the other candidate, maybe even more so) the man who is well-established in the church actually became annoyed with me and rolled his eyes because I felt that way about a candidate. He basically gave me spin on his candidate (I did my own research) and I definitely didn’t feel like my opinion was valued.

    I haven’t felt like I could possibly add to the congregation for a while, since I don’t fit their paradigm in many ways. I’m only 42 and am not continuing to have “as many children as the Lord allows” because I had a tubal ligation (tied) in 1995 after my 4th child was born with a major heart defect that resulted in her death at the age of 2 1/2 years old. I did the unimaginable in some of the women’s eyes at my church and that was to limit what God was going to do with my future of birthing more children. I even stir up controversy by the fact that many of the women are very natural-health consciencous and I birthed all my babies at a hospital.

    Many of the women only want to discuss with you or spend time with women who share those same world-views, but I’ve literally had the conversations shut down at the request of some women because they don’t want to discuss what the Doctrines of Grace teach or anything of substance from a theological point of view. I’ve learned to avoid talking about gender issues based on just the Bible passages as interpreted by themselves (original Hebrew from Blueletterbible, or Greek). My husband studied Greek at Multnomah for over 4 years, and continues to study it. He’s come to the same agreement on gender issues as I have just from reading the Bible passages and doing a little research. Not so with many of the people I encounter. They’ll just quote Piper or Grudem and not do the research themselves. So, in their zeal to “reform” their lives in order to look godly, they have actually neglected the high call to examine the Scriptures to see what they say.

  8. David R. McCrory Says:

    Dear Kate,

    I’m sorry for your lose and for the very difficult times you and your family have obviously struggled through. Yet we can rejoice in the Lord, for He is good, and in times of adversity, He often strengthens us most.

    I originally commented here b/c I saw where I was linked from your site on another thread. I hope you don’t mind. James, in his epistle, deals with the issue of the more well-to-do Christians being given preferred treatment over and against the poor in their assemblies. It is certainly a grave sin for churches and church leaders to show partiality.

    I really didn’t expect that lenghty reply to my little comment, but I’m grateful for it. I could only recommend you and your family seek out a healthy, well-balanced church, where godly leadership posseses a passion to preach the Gospel and edify the saint, regardless of their class status. I pray God leads you in all you do.

    David R. McCrory

  9. choseninhim Says:

    This was an interesting review of “Do Hard Things”:

    “By emma “Em” (East Coast)

    This was a good book, and we are going to do a book study at church, but I felt it was written by two somewhat sheltered teens – 2 home-schooled, white boys who come from a good home with loving parents. Author parents.

    Comparisons to George Washington and Clara Barton? How about they showcase a boy from inner city Baltimore who lived next to a crack house that ended up in college? Or the boy I read about on AOL who plays baseball with one leg? Or a teenage cancer survivor? The people they chose to show as ‘doing hard things’ only demonstrate that their world is quite small, that the only experience with teens that had to do hard things are stories they read in books. I don’t think they really understand what the world is like for most other teens. They have not overcome the temptation to do drugs, join a gang, drink or get pregnant. Now THOSE are the kids who have done a hard thing, those are the kids that deserve to be praised for rebeling.

    The book has some good points but as someone who took over raising my brothers and sisters when I was 17, washing clothes, buying groceries and going to school, I just felt these kids were light weights. It’s easy to rebel when you have an adult support system behind you.

    But I would still recommend it. It is sad when RSVPing an invitation, picking up your room and taking out the garbage are “hard things” our teens need to be inspired to tackle so with that, I agree with them.

  10. choseninhim Says:

    I also found it interesting that their book interviewed a girl who got involved in politics, and was led to believe that, for her, that time spent was preparing her to be a good wife and mother.

    I appreciate the care and concern and dedication to being a devoted wife and mother as a Believer in Jesus Christ, but I couldn’t help but wonder if that means that there is only one real role for women in Christ and that’s the role of wife and mother.

    I seem to recall that one of these young guys’ heroes, Mike Huckabee, who they campaigned for during this election year, has a wife who held public office. Do they believe that she was supporting the “Vision” of her husband by doing that? (Please understand: I’m not having a problem with it. The complementarian views they and their father have expressed have left the understanding that a woman is to enhance the vision of her husband).

    Interestingly, the twins recently (albeit, rather reluctantly) endorsed the campaign of Senator John McCain, saying his core values are like theirs (in their recent cnn interview). Would those be the same core values as McCain divorcing his wife to marry his mistress?

    Read here:

    “Before John McCain’s tour of duty in Vietnam, he married Carol Shepp, a model from Philadelphia. On his 23rd bombing mission over North Vietnam in 1967, McCain was shot down and captured.
    While he was imprisoned, Carol was in an auto wreck (1969), thrown through her car’s windshield and left seriously injured. Despite her injures, she refused to allow her POW husband to be notified about her condition, fearing that such news would not be good for him while he was being held prisoner.

    When McCain returned to the United States in 1973 after more than five years as a prisoner of war, he found his wife was a different person. The accident “left her 4 inches shorter and on crutches, and she had gained a good deal of weight.”

    Yearning to make the grade of admiral, McCain enrolled in the National War College at Fort McNair in Washington, D.C. and underwent physical therapy in order to fly again. The Navy excused his permanent disabilities and reinstated him to flight status, effectively positioning him for promotion.

    In his book, The Nightingale’s Song, Robert Timberg chronicled McCain’s post-Vietnam military assignments and some of his “adulterous” behavior leading to his divorce from Carol and marriage to Cindy Hensley.”

    “While still married to Carol, McCain began an adulterous relationship with Cindy. He married Cindy in May 1980 — just a month after dumping Carol and securing a divorce. The newlyweds honeymooned in Hawaii.”

    You can read the article here:

    (I just did a google search for McCain and divorce and this was one of the first entries … I have no affiliation with the website, though, it seems to have some very thought-provoking content.)

    What about McCain’s other really bad policies for government? Or is it just about Power and Influence and Getting Publicity to Start Their Own Careers with certain people? I am REALLY beginning to question their discernment on people’s integrity and what it really means to them. It starts to seem like their pursuits are shallow.

  11. choseninhim Says:

    Here is a secular newspaper article describing The Rebelution conference event in May 2008, in the Portland, Oregon area:

    I also wrote a comment there.

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